Traditionally, people have married in their houses of worship — church, shul, temple — in services that were strictly guided by ancient texts.
Today’s couples are choosing secular locations and designing their own services. There is no reason at all to lose the sanctity and solemnity of a religious service. You should have someone to lead you through sanctifying your service to make it holy and transformative for you as a couple.
I specialize in crafting transformative wedding ceremonies that are deeply personalized and sacred. I minister to my couples — providing humor, reassurance, and direction through this incredible moment of marrying each other.
I do this by helping you:
- Explore and decide upon the words, rituals, music, and meditation or prayer, if desired, that make the ceremony a vibrant celebration of you as a couple;
- To understand the role you want your witnesses to play, and to help you be creative about their inclusion in ways that are meaningful to you;
- On the day of the ceremony, to protect that sanctity of transformation from all distractions, ensuring that you both experience the joy of marrying each other.
Rituals
I love incorporating rituals with ancient roots as part of a wedding ceremony. Some examples:
Hand-fasting (Celtic) — during the exchange of rings the couple’s hands are wrapped in cord representing their respective families of origin and one representing their new life together. At the conclusion of the ceremony, the cords are slipped off and have formed a beautiful eternity knot where the hands were during the ring exchange.
Wine blessing — Wine has long been a symbol of both life and joy and many ancient marriage ceremonies include shared sips of wine while blessings are said. We can write the blessings and fit this ritual into your service.
Unity glass — Especially good for blended families, this ritual involves each family member selecting a color of glass and pouring her color into a vessel. Once all the colors are poured together, this is a symbol of both unity and individuality. The vessel is then sent to a glass artist who can make a sculpture, or bowl or vase or even individual ornaments for each family member to have.
Jumping the Broom — This ritual is sacred for Black people and goes back to their enslavement when they were forbidden to marry. Enslaved people found ways to live and love, anyway, and one symbol of a marriage was for a couple to hold hands and jump a broom together. Today, brooms can be made decorative with colors and ribbons and other additions that make it a beautiful keepsake that honors Black ancestors and the endurance of Black love.
Services
Standard Officiant Services — $500
Consultation (Free) Whenever you’re ready to hire an officiant, we’ll talk (probably remotely) about what you’re looking for in an officiant and wedding service and whether I am a good fit for you.
Electronic collaboration (Months leading up to service) We’ll create a shared document outlining your service, including vows, readings, and any music or other elements you are including. We’ll make sure that every word you speak is meaningful, and every element of your service is exactly what you want.
The Ceremony I will arrive one hour before the start of the ceremony. I will get a few minutes with both of you separately or together, as you like, to check in. I’ll wander around and check on your folks and make sure everyone knows what they’re doing and when. And from the moment the ceremony starts, to the end, whatever happens, it will be my honor to be your guide and your company in this incredibly powerful moment in your lives.
Full Wedding Package — $1,000.00
Consultation (free) Whenever you’re ready to hire a celebrant, we’ll talk (probably remotely) about what you’re looking for in a celebrant and wedding service and whether I am a good fit for you.
First Meeting (1 hour, about three months before the wedding, either in person or remotely) I’ll want to get to know you and get a feel for you as a couple, for your story, and for the moments that brought you to the planning of a wedding. You’ll let me know what the most important elements are of your ceremony so we can make them the focus on which we build the rest of the service. I’ll offer as much or as little input as you want in choosing the readings, prayers/meditations, and music that best capture the spirit of your life together.
Electronic collaboration (Months leading up to service) We’ll create a shared document outlining your service, which we can use to talk about what you are exploring in the way of music, readings, location, and other ceremonial elements. If I am doing a homily for you, we’ll share notes about what you would like included (and what you would like me not to say — which is just as important).
Final Meeting (1 hour, one month before the ceremony, in person or remotely) We’ll lock in your choices and create the final copy of the program for you to have printed. We’ll talk about how you’re feeling about the upcoming event and what I can do to best support you.
Rehearsal (Day before, 1 hour, entire wedding party) First, we will spend a few minutes together re-articulating your goals as a couple for the rehearsal and the ceremony. You will let me know of any last-minute changes or instructions for me, and I will reassure you that it really is supposed to be just this nutty the day before a wedding. Then, we will proceed to the rehearsal.
I will introduce your witnesses to the wedding service you have designed as a couple, gently and with great humor instruct them on their roles, and hold firm the boundary that it is your service and it will be done your way.
The Ceremony I will arrive one hour before the start of the ceremony. I will get a few minutes with both of you separately or together, as you like, to check in. I’ll wander around and check on your folks and make sure everyone knows what they’re doing and when. And from the moment the ceremony starts, to the end, whatever happens, it will be my honor to be your guide and your company in this incredibly powerful moment in your lives.
FAQ
If we get the full package of services, do our meetings count as premarital counseling?
Nope. I highly recommend that all couples work with a therapist in the months leading up to their ceremony. In those sessions, you can talk about the really hard stuff, and work on things like not repeating family history, respecting boundaries, and how you’re going to handle joint expenses.
What is a homily?
In the Christian tradition, a homily is a sermon given after the reading of scripture. It is meant to be more inspirational than educational, and it should give the listener context for the day’s service, and practical guidance on living its meaning.
My homily is a brief message to you both and to your witnesses. It is entirely up to you the tone of the homily, or whether you even want one. Typically, I include important stories you have shared with me (with your consent), I talk about whatever elements of your ceremony you have chosen and why they represent you well. And then I give you my very best wishes for a long and mutually fulfilling partnership.
I am comfortable with secular and Christian homilies, long or short, at your preference. I don’t share the homilies I write for couples, but here’s the eulogy I did for my Dad, which gives you a good idea of the tone and personal nature of the homilies I write.
We are atheists. We do not like God. Is that okay with you?
Some people do not like cheese or chocolate. I do not serve these things to them. I certainly don’t insist on serving these foods at their weddings.
The sacredness of a wedding comes from the people making the promises, and I’d be delighted to celebrate your pagan, or atheist, or multi-faith ceremony with enthusiasm and love.
We’re having multiple faith traditions represented at our service. How do you feel about that?
Absolutely thrilled. I can’t wait to meet the other officiants and find out how I can best serve you.
We each have multiple children from multiple prior marriages, will that be a problem?
Families are messy. Wedding ceremonies should celebrate all the joy and complexity of family life and the underlying love that sustains us. I would love to find creative ways to celebrate your family and the new life you are making.
Please bring me your six stepchildren and Cousin Oliver. I’ll find a job for each and every last one of them, while helping you both — the couple — to remember to focus on your promises to each other this day.
We’d like a very formal wedding
I love the elegance and precision that are at the heart of a formal sacred celebration, and I love working with couples to find appropriate literature, scripture, and music while I put together a homily that suits you and the occasion.
It is very important to us that we take our vows with three goats dancing to tambourines. Is that ok?
Love goats, love tambourines. I’m in. I’m also interested to know the origins and importance of this part of your service, so I can meaningfully speak to it in your homily.
What will you wear?
Within reason, whatever you want me to wear! Generally, I wear a black chorister’s robe (like a judge’s robe) and either a white and gold, or pride stole. But I am happy to accommodate whatever look you would like for your wedding.
We are a military family.
Great! Military families are special, and there are lots of beautiful ways to incorporate your service in your ceremony.